Karan Johar, the neo-nationalist was in his room listening to the audios of all the patriotic songs he knew – right from ‘Aye mere watan ke logon’ to ‘Phir bhi dil hai Hindustani’! Just then his best buddy Shah Rukh Khan walked in.
“Hey KJo! Why are you listening to this stuff?”
“I am practising singing nationalistic songs.”
“To prove that I am a great patriot whose heart beats only for India. That is the only way I can get to release Ae Dil Hai Mushkil. Haven’t you seen my video?”
“I think the video was stupid.”
“What do you mean?”
“Bro, instead of bleating that you are a nationalist and chanting ‘I love my country,” you should have directed your energies towards pleasing Raj Thokoray.”
“I didn’t get you.”
“No one in the country cares a damn whether ADHM is released or not. The only one who’s concerned is Raj, because by stopping the release of the movie he is gaining badly needed visibility. This stunt is helping him come back to the mainstream and also gain brownie points over his estranged cousin Uddhav.”
“So what should I do?”
“I think you should make a couple of quickies to please Raj.”
“You should make morphed versions of My Name is Khan and Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna?”
“I still don’t understand.”
“The first movie will be called My Name is Thokoray. The hero will be played by the CEO of MNS. His character will be that of a schizophrenic peacenik, who keeps saying, ‘My name is Thokoray and I am not a rightist’!”
“Awesome idea, Shah Rukh!” Karan Johar pulled him close and hugged him as tightly as he could.
Shah Rukh managed to disentangled himself with some difficulty.
“KANK should be renamed as ‘Kabhi Uddhav Na Kahna’. The movie would start with Raj, the poor nephew being sidelined by the patriarch in favour of his own son. Unable to bear the humiliation, Raj starts his own outfit- Marathi Manhoos Sena or MMS. Because Raj’s charisma, his popularity starts growing in geometric progression. Uddhav begins to panic and orders a CBI probe on Raj questioning his credentials as a Marathi Manhoos. When the CBI raid’s Raj’s premises, they find everything in perfect order. Raj is busy dancing Lavani with his followers, proving that he is a true son of the soil.”
“Raj retaliates by sending a team of media persons loyal to him to Uddhav’s farmhouse. The scribes find Uddhav drinking lassi, eating sattu and singing and dancing to Rapper Badshah’s tunes, ‘CBI babu Raj ki um baja do, CBI babu Raj ki tum baja da’.”
“The news is splashed in the media. The CBI director gets wild and arrests Uddhav. Raj coins a new slogan, ‘MMS fans jeena pade ya marna, Kabhi Uddhav na kehna’. “Raaj wins the election and Uddhav goes into political oblivion.”
“Wow, amazing Shah Rukh. You should now start writing scripts for my movies. You are brilliant.”
“I know. There is nothing I can’t do.”
“When do we start making the films?”
In 6 weeks, both the films were released and ran to packed houses. A month later ADHM too hit the theaters to a mind blowing response. It turned out to be the biggest hit of KJo’s career.
As a gesture of gratitude KJo is planning to make a biopic on Raj with Chunky Pandey in the lead, and Johnny Lever playing Uddhav.