Home Ministry To Launch ‘Kathor Ninda’ App For Pak-China Attacks Queries

Boasting of PM Modi's 'Digital India' initiative, home ministry has decided to launch a  'Kathor Ninda' app for interacting with media and general public alike.

New Delhi: There have been increased number of attacks on soldiers recently; The only function Indian authorities have been performing in recent times is to react to host of queries by media representatives in relation with these attacks. Media also aligns their questions as the ones which ‘nation wants to know’. So this becomes highly crucial  for the ministry and the minister. Given the fact that they have a set pattern of responses to all the queries, they have decided to launch an app for that purpose, and it’s been named “Kathor Ninda” app.

Kathor Ninda app featuring Rajnath Singh as Ninda Mama
Photo: Probable Front page of the Kathor Ninda App, featuring Rajnath Singh as Ninda Mama.

The exclusive feature of this app is:

All the reactions will be given as the pre-recorded voice of Home Minister.  Home minister recently visited a popular recording studio in Noida Film City to record the following line in 100 different tones for customized and futuristic functionality of the APP.

“Hum is  _______ hamle ki KATHOR NINDA karte hain. Jaisa ki aap sab jaante hain ki iske peeche China/Pakistan ka haath hai, hum unki bhumika ki bhi kathor Ninda Karte hain. Iss hamle me hamare ____ sainik shaheed ho gaye. Hum iss hamle ki kathore Ninda karte hue samuche bharat varsh ko ye batana chahte hai ki humne army ko koi bhi karyawahi karne ki poori azadi de di hai.”

Button available in the app would provide highly customized voice messages to Indian citizens.
Button available in the app would provide highly customized voice messages to Indian citizens.

Opposition parties claimed that this was a national embarrassment to launch such an app, considering this same party was seeking action, when in opposition. When we contacted home ministry about their reaction on oppositions allegation, we heard an automated voice “Hum iss opposition ki baat ki kathor ninda karte….”. Our reporter was quick to notice that it was the voice of our loving Home Minister. Another conclusion out of this development was that there are multiple lines instead of the one reported above.

May be the people in home ministry these day are busy with UAT testing of the same app. We’ll let you know when it reaches production phase.

(Also published on Vela’s blog here.)



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