Delhi Police Launches Giant Lathicharge Chambers To Beat Protesters More Humanly

This is one of the most sophisticated machine ever built and would be fully automated. Women, children, elders, youth...all will be treated equally in these chambers.

New Delhi: Demonstrating its yet another proof of people-friendly approach towards policing, Delhi Police today launched giant ‘lathicharge chambers’ that it will use for beating protesters in the national capital more ‘humanly’.

Delhi Police using old, outdated method of engaging with citizens it vowed to protect.
Delhi Police using old, outdated method of engaging with citizens it vowed to protect.

“We’ve learned from the past that gruesome pictures of our police beating protesters mercilessly with Lathis (Bamboo stick) has brought some amount of pain in certain section of citizens who happen to see those gory images. Our new amazing chambers, roughly the size of 5 DTC buses, would make sure police can beat peaceful protesters with much ease, strength, comfort, without any guilt and in the privacy of closed chambers,” said Delhi Police chief B.S. Pussy, explaining idea behind this new innovation.

“Police will be given night vision glasses to see inside these dark chambers. We’ll pick our esteemed guests from protest sites in vans, stuff them in these chambers gently, giving them time to socialize. Police will then start hitting them inside with Lathis. Chambers would be made sound proof to make sure people outside don’t get to hear their cry…making our beloved city more peaceful and free from outrage that you all will be proud of,” he added.

“These humane chambers will also be equipped with water cannons inside to wash away any human waste such as blood, flesh, sweat, torn clothes etc, giving our citizens a more neat and clean look, showing others how compassionately they were treated by our Humane police,” said Home Minister Baaznath Singh.

“We’ll later add tear-gas guns, rubber-bullet guns and pepper-spray guns inside, to make it state of the art of its kind, because we’ve seen in the past that people disperse and these methods aren’t very effective in open places like Jantar Mantar,” added Mr. Baaznath.

“This is one of the most sophisticated machine ever built and would be fully automated. Women, children, elders, youth…all will be treated equally in these chambers, making it a symbol of equality, liberty and righteousness,” said one Home ministry official.

“This will truly make India a World ‘super soft-power’ as we love to call it proudly,” a Delhi-based PR guru told Teekhi Mirchi.

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Amresh
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