My colleague Gagan Singh entered my room flashing his Paan stained 32.
“Wassup dude? You look mighty thrilled with ‘Dear Zindagi.’
“You bet. Minister of State for Social Justice and Empowerment, Ramdas Athawale has asked for quota in the Indian cricket team for Dalits.
“Yep. My son’s future is made!”
“Well, you know my Chotu Gobar has already shown how brilliant he is. He is the 12th man of the ‘B’ Team of his class. His future was always bright and with Comrade Athwale chipping in, it is going to sparkle and shine like the Kohinoor.”
“But what exactly is Athwale’s proposal?”
“He says six slots should be reserved for the Dalits in each team.”
“Yep! And not only that, there will be special rules and regulations too.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘For instance, every time a batsman of the ‘D Company’ hits a four, it will be counted as a six, and if he hits a six, it will be taken as two fours.’
‘Wait, there’s more. A ‘D Company’ bowler can come up half-way to deliver the ball. Only if he crosses this point, will the delivery be declared a nobe. And for his delivery to be called a wide, it should go beyond the square leg umpire on the left and deep point on the right. Also, a ‘D Company’ batsman cannot be declared stumped or LBW or run out. On the other hand a ‘D’ bowler can get his opponent out LBW even to a wide ball.’
As I stared at my informed colleague goggle eyed, he continued.
“The post of a fourth Umpire too will be introduced. He will ensure that injustice is not being done to the Dalit cause.’
He paused, and as I continued imitating Maun Mohan Singh, he continued.
‘Now coming to the awards, there will be trophies for the Best ‘D’ Batsman, the Best ‘D’ Bowler and the Best ‘D’ Man of the Match!’
‘But this is crazy.’
‘No this is social justice.’
‘But seriously Gagan, will the other countries agree to these absurd rules being introduced in the name of social justice?’
‘We’ll ask them to practice the art and science of social justice in their own countries too?’
‘What do you mean?
‘In Australia – the Aborigines, in New Zealand – the Maoris, in Sri Lanka – the Tamils, in Great Britain – the Irish, in West Indies – the Indians. and in Pakistan everyone except the Punjabi-Sunni Muslims can be declared the oppressed, suppressed and repressed classes, and given reservation on the lines proposed for the D Company in India.’
With this seminal oration, Gagan walked out singing a monster hit number sung by a totally different kind of ‘D’ The Times They Are A-Changin.’