Netherlands: Excited with the latest revelations by this Indian scientist that cows exhale oxygen, and that its cow dung protects from radiation, MARS One project founder Bas Lansdorp has decided to send Indian cows to Mars, in order to built Mars habitat first, before its goes ready for first batch of human arrival.
“Since it’s a one-way trip, the biggest challenge for us is to protect humans from severe harsh conditions on Mars. Cosmic radiation and solar flares pose existential threat to life in space, and we have not had a viable technology to produce enough Oxygen on Mars, and build an effective shield for radiation,” said Lansdorp.
“…but not anymore,” he added in excitement.
“We’re thankful to Indians for gifting this wonderful technology to mankind. Now, we’ll send cows to Mars first, who’ll produce oxygen for breathing, and their holy shit (sic) will be used for building Mars habitat, protecting future Martians from radiation and flares,” explained a director responsible for collaboration with India’s Patanjali Space Agency (PSA), that recently sealed a deal with DRDO.
“…and by any chance, if someone catches cancer from cosmic radiation outdoor, we’ll treat that with Gau-Mutra (cow-pee),” he added.
Many Indians, however are not happy with this development. “They foreigners stole our Vedic aircraft design, and are going to steal our cow technology as well, to patent in their own name. We’ve to ensure they don’t get credit for the inventions our ancestors made, the way they’ve been stealing our ancient wisdom for ages,” complained a student based in Nagpur.
Meanwhile, India’s cow vigilantes are planning to set up bases on mars, to ensure astronauts treat our cows with respect, and worship them the way they’re worshiped in India, failing which, they threatened to attack them with Lathis and Trishuls.