Government Launches New Pellet Guns That Inject Painkillers With Pellets

Indian forces will now use new pellet guns that inject painkillers such as paracetamol, NSAID, opioids etc into the body of protesters.

J&K: After drawing flak for using pellet guns on protesters in Indian administered Kashmir, including innocent children, and reports that many of these victims get blind after the lethal attack and are left to live with painful pellets in their body forever, Indian government today came up with a new idea that is widely believed to bring some relief to its victims.

Pellet gun attack
A young pellet gun attack victim, thanking the policymakers for this new compassionate move. (Image courtesy: India Today)

Indian forces will now use new pellet guns that inject painkillers such as paracetamol, NSAID, opioids etc into the body of protesters, bystanders and citizens caught in the crossfire, making them feel absolutely normal as if nothing happened. The pellets and painkillers would stay in their body, coexisting, cancelling out each other’s effect, vindicating government’s stand that it cares for its citizens, and is committed to bring them into the mainstream Indian society.

“The whole experience of the pellet gun attack is being carefully altered and designed so as to make it a delightful and awesome experience. No new syringe is going be used for these chemicals. Instead, the pellets themselves would be coated with painkillers, leaving no extra injury marks on the body of our beloved citizens. The painkillers will act immediately as it enters human body, nullifying the effect of any pain the pellet injury would have caused,” explained a DRDO official involved in the design and development of these amazing ’empathetic weapons’ of new era.

The Indian pharmaceutical industry has welcomed the move, anticipating a spike in their sales. Share prices of many stocks in Pharma sector soared as the news flashed on TV screens.

“The pellet gun, when fired, would also make a loud sound of kids’ favorite cartoon characters. Children would love it! We expect more and more children to start playing and enjoying near the protest area to taste and experience these new child-friendly weapons of next generation,” told a senior Home Ministry official in excitement.



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