Shobha De, the sultana of Socialites was sitting in her room guzzling vodka. She was immensely thrilled with herself. Her carefully calculated Tweet: “Goal of Team India at the Olympics: Rio jao, selfies lo, khaali haat wapas aao. What a waste of money and opportunity,” had set the print, electronic and social media virtually on fire.
She switched on her T.V. and started surfing. She was pleased to see two channels holding panel discussions on her tweet, one channel showing a group of demonstrators burning her effigy, three channels taking interviews of people at random on her life & times and tweets. Trolling on social media had reached an unprecedented proportion. She had left Rakhi Sawant, Baba Ramdev and Arvind Kejriwal far behind.
Ever since her last book had flopped, De had been almost marginalized. She had been making sundry statements to get back into the limelight, but had failed miserably. And then finally her golden chance had come out of the blue or rather out of Brazil. India’s dismal beginning had offered her a perfect opportunity to stir up a huge controversy and reclaim her lost space in the media.
Just then her cell rang. It was Barkha Butt, who wanted to do a ‘phone-in’ interview.
“Shobha, your remark has been slammed across all media. It is being considered crass, insensitive and downright cheap. What do you have to say?”
“Barkha, my tweet was only meant to act like a catalyst, goading our sportspersons into trying harder and doing better.”
“Yep. And immediately after my tweet, the performance of the Indian contingent improved significantly, thereby vindicating my strategy. Instead of cursing, you guys should be felicitating me. What the officials, fans and the media couldn’t achieve, I managed to do with a single tweet.”
“You are truly a great patriot, Shobha? What next?”
“Now that I have the attention of everyone I want to make a few suggestions.
We should lobby to include Kabaddi and Gilli Danda in Olympics. That way, at least the first time these games are introduced we will bag a gold in each of the events. In the next Olympics of course China, Russia and USA will get the top spots.”
“That is a brilliant idea.”
“In the subsequent Olympics we should try to introduce two more Indian games, over which only we have expertise such as Kho-Kho and Mallakhamb and so on. This strategy would enable us to grab a medal or two whenever a new sport is launched. Later, naturally the other countries would get the hang of it and hang us.”
“That’s awesome Shobha. I am proud of you.”
“To popularize the Olympic games in India I am writing a book based on the Rio Olympics . It is called ‘Sexy Selfies’. It will be the story of two sisters connected by an Anagram – Sania and Saina. They fall in love with a tennis star Lavender Pace. He ditches both of them, joins ‘Art of Leaving’ and becomes a monk. The two sisters become Sadhvis and spend the rest of their life taking selfies. ”
“Truly fascinating,” trilled Barkha.
“Anurag Kashyap has already brought the film rights of the book. The title of the movie will be ‘Raqueteers’ of Rio. A percentage of the proceeds from the book and movie will go to ‘Shobha Selfie Foundation’ – an organisation which will teach Indians the art and science of taking selfies and work towards introducing it as an Olympic sport.”