Shocking: Indian Officials Spend Time Watching Hot Beach Volleyball In Rio

Indian officials who went to Rio were supposed to take care of our players. But instead they spent time watching Beach Volleyball, reveals this candid interview.

Mr. Satyavaadi, the spokesperson of the Athletics Fabrication of India (AFI) was being interviewed by Rajdeep Sardesai. In this interview he reveals how Indian sports officials spent time in Rio. 

Vijay Goel in Rio Olympic 2016 - Taking selfie at Beach Volleyball game
Photo: An Indian sports official taking a selfie during a Beach Volleyball game at Rio Olympics 2016.

Rajdeep: “Satyavaadiji, let me come straight to the point. OP Jaisha, India’s marathon runner, has accused your organisation of not providing water during her event.”

Satyavaadi: “Actually it was her fault.”

“What do you mean?”
“Our most honourable Joint Secretary himself asked her whether she wants a nutritious drink. You know what her reply was?”
“Obviously not.”
“She said, ‘Go Go Nut’.”

“Naturally, the most honourable Joint Secretary was hurt. She was asking him to go away and on top of that calling him a nutcase. No Secretary worth his Fabrication is going to tolerate this kind of insult.”

“How stupid can you guys get? What she meant was coconut water. You know most Keralites speak English with a different accent.”
“Then she should have come after taking The Rapidex English Speaking Course. See, Kapil Dev took it and won India a World Cup.”

“Now coming to the next point, why wasn’t even a single official present while she was running?”
“See Rajdeep, AFI believes in long term planning. The Indian Olympic Association had decided that we would be participating in women’s beach volleyball in the next Olympics. Keeping this in view we had all gone to see the beach volleyball events.”

“But you are members of AFI and beach volley ball is a team sport, not an athletic event.”
“Yes, but we wanted to watch at close quarters how the players jump, leap, run and fall. And let me tell you we observed the players very keenly and gained quite a few very valuable insights.”

“There is a lot of anger against your office bearers. People feel that they don’t deserve to be a part of AFI since they are not athletes themselves and have no idea about athletics.”
“That’s complete hogwash. Our venerable President, eighty year old Yuva Singh won the first prize in the ‘Jalebi Race’ when he was in nursery. Our esteemed Vice President, seventy seven year old Seva Ram won the ‘Sack Race’ while studying in upper KG.”

“What about your General Secretary Kranti Das who has probably taken even more selfies at Rio than the sports minister?”
“Our most honourable and respected General Secretary, who is a young and dynamic seventy, bagged the top spot in the ‘Lemon & Spoon’ race in class one. How can anyone say that our officials do not have experience? They started very young, a little older than Abhimanyu, and won top laurels. If a deep sense of patriotism hadn’t been stirred they would have, between them, won more Golds than Bolt.”

“How’s that?”
“See, they could have been selfish and devoted their life to personal aggrandizement, instead the trio chose to work for Indian athletics and win glory for our nation.”

“But all this sacrifice did not yield a single medal in athletics.”
“Rajdeep, please have patience. Achhe din aane waale hain!” declared Satyavaadi.

Ramendra Kumar

Ramendra Kumar

Senior Satirist
An award winning writer Ramendra Kumar (Ramen) has 30 books, brought out by well known publishers, to his credit. Ramen's writings have been published in several Indian and foreign languages and included in text books, as well as national and international anthologies. Ramen has also been invited to different fora as an inspirational speaker and storyteller.
Ramendra Kumar

@RamenKumar

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