Kashmir: The J&K police on Saturday cracked down on a meeting of one of the most dangerous gangs in J&K, ‘The Write Club’. The gang has been responsible for the atrocious acts of reporting incidents and presenting views that make people think about their livelihoods, freedoms and rights. Such thoughts, especially when expressed in a democracy, are extremely harmful to political public interest. For a government that is committed to creating a life of bliss for everyone, this is a great win on its quest for ignorance.
Besides shutting down their operations and arresting key leaders, the police confiscated a charter of rules that govern the club. Here’s a complete lo-down on the rules of the most dangerous organisation in J &K.
- Do not talk about the Write Club: The group has crafted this rule as a clever ploy to salvage their careers as writers. It is also the reason why you are reading this and not hearing it in an exceptionally inquisitive man’s perfectly modulated voice.
- Do not talk about the Write Club: This rule reiterates the importance of reiteration for incite-ful writing. ‘Word limits often exceed the limits of our imagination and opinion. Reiteration is an important way to fill the space that we have left after having exaggerated all that we could have,’ explains a member who writes for a newspaper you haven’t heard of.
- If the government yells “stop!”, comes to snatch printing plates, or seize printed copies, the ‘Right to write’ is over: This rule governs only local dailies, and is meant to make authorities feel like they are still in control. This helps protect the livelihoods of those who have political sponsors.
- Only two guys to a right: No more than 2 major newspapers can claim to have taken a stand for the same cause at a time.
- One fight at a time: This rule ensures that all efforts are used to incite violence for the same cause at a given point of time. This rule is also called ‘Collusion step 1’.
- The fights are bare-chuckled. No jokes, nothing happy and no good news: ‘This is the most dangerous rule of all. They have decided to never report anything positive and that has led to the sorry state of affairs in the state,’ explains a police officer we can’t name.
- Fights will go on as long as they have to: This rule has been followed sincerely since 1947 and will continue to be followed until the end of Kalyug.
- The eighth and final rule: if this is your first time at Write Club, you have to write: The writing must make at least one person feel like they want to kill someone important.