UN To Declare Osama Bin Laden’s Birthday As International Terrorism Day

Pakistani PM has decided to persuade UN to celebrate Osama Ban Laden’s birthday as International Terrorism Day, and US is understood to have agreed.

Osama Bin Laden
Osama Bin Laden reacting to this development.

Arnab Go Sammy, the Chief Yelling Officer (CYO) of Times Now was interviewing Dr. Angst Screwedupwala, the renowned psychiatrist.

“Dr. Screwedupwalla, today is the anniversary of the 26/11 attack on Mumbai. 8 years down the barrel our neighbour continues with its inexplicably weird foreign policy towards India. We have invited you here to make a desperate attempt to analyse the mindset of Pokistan.”
“I have spent many decades studying the psyche of our neighbour. I am sure Pokistan is afflicted with schizophrenia.”

“This sounds very interesting. Can you elaborate doctor?”
“It suffers from delusions of grandeur. It thinks it is more powerful than India in the field of defense, it is more popular and respected as a nation and one day it will beat India in a world cup cricket match.”

“Ha!” Go Sammy unleashed his trademark snigger. “Even if Pokistan manages to achieve the first two states, its third aspiration can never become a reality.”
“Pokistan as a nation is also bipolar. Every time India wins a cricket match against Pokistan, the entire nation slips into depression. Every time India is denied membership into an exclusive club like the U.N. Security Council, Pokistan spirals into a state of mania and goes on a buying spree – purchasing F-16s.”

“What else doctor, the nation wants to know!”
“Pokistan also suffers from a split personality. The nation is split between the army and the civilian government.”

“Thanks Dr.Angst Screwedupwala for your in-depth analysis. Now viewers, I have a special surprise for you – an interview with Nawaz Badmash, the Premier of Pokistan. This is the first TV interview with a ‘crouching’ PM of our neighbouring nation on any T.V channel, anywhere on Planet Earth.”
“Welcome Sir,” Go Sammy indulged in an elaborate adaab which his guest ignored.
“Go Sammy, I was watching that paagalon ka hakeem and you expressing doubt about Pokistan’s power and popularity. To prove our potential I’ll give you only one example. Your PM managed to beg, beseech, implore, cajole and coax UN to declare 21st June as International Yoga Day. Later, the Indian media started screaming its lungs out that billions of people participated from 135 countries and how it was a global success. Well, I (of course with the ISI’s kind blessings and benediction) have decided to persuade UN to celebrate Osama Ban Laden’s birthday as International Terrorism Day!”

“And pray, how will you observe that day? By bombing our PM’s residence ?”
“Ha! That, we can do any day, any time. We will conduct terror training camps across the world where youngsters will be taught free of cost, the art and science of unleashing terror. We will invite experts like Mahfooz Sayed and Abdul Rehman Makhi to take special sessions.”

“What would be the purpose of all this? The idea looks insane to me.”
“You know in Pokistan, terrorism is already a cottage industry. Now we want to market this talent across the universe. Our objective is to become the greatest exporter of terror in the world. This will solve the nagging problem of employment, earn us huge foreign exchange and make us wealthy beyond our dreams. As a result of all this we will become a world power.”

“And what is the first thing you will do after that?”
“We will organize a cricket match in Sharjah between our two countries in which Pokistan will thrash India. Ever since Javed Miandad’s last ball six helped our country beat India, it has been the dream of every citizen to see Pokistan repeat this feat.”

“But how will you ensure this result?”
“Once we become a world power it would be quite simple. We will kidnap Virat Kohli. And beating an Indian team without Virat would be as easy as sending a dozen terrorists to Pathankot, Pulwama or Palampore.”

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Ramendra Kumar
About Ramendra Kumar 22 Articles
An award winning writer Ramendra Kumar (Ramen) has 30 books, brought out by well known publishers, to his credit. Ramen's writings have been published in several Indian and foreign languages and included in text books, as well as national and international anthologies. Ramen has also been invited to different fora as an inspirational speaker and storyteller.

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