‘Saare Jahan Se Corrupt…Hindustan Hamara!’ – This Will Be India’s New Anthem

India New Anthem: The way things are going on in India, we'll soon change our national anthem to something, more close to reality.

Corruption in India, notes on head
Corruption: Our way of living…
(Image courtesy: FinancialExpress)

I was sitting in my room and watching TV when my buddy Viru walked in.

‘Viru, don’t you think NDTV, by launching the Save the Tiger Campaign, is doing a great job of protecting our national animal?’
‘Yes. I would have been equally happy if they would also unleash a campaign to protect our national game. At the rate at which it is going, it will become extinct far quicker than the tiger.’

‘You’re right. My son doesn’t even know it is the national shame, sorry the national game. He thinks India’s national sport is cricket.’
‘You know Ramen, there are many values and institutions which have become extinct and several others which are in the process.’
‘Such as?’
‘National pride for instance.’
‘I don’t get you.’

‘See, earlier joining the Defence Services was a matter of great honour and pride. Not anymore. As a result, our Defence Services are wooing prospective candidates like private tutorials or beauty parlours woo their customers!’
‘Even playing for the country is no longer a matter of honour,’ I added. ‘Most sportspersons, especially cricketers seem to be playing only for the moolah.’

‘Exactly. Soon we might not have any national team left. It will be the Ambani Apes taking on the Mittal Meerkats and Jindal Jaackals slugging it out with the Tata Tarantulas.’
‘What about the institutions that you were fearing would become dodos?’

‘The institution of the ’till death do us apart’ marriage is fast becoming anachronistic. The ‘live in’, ‘living together’, ‘just friends’, ‘going steady’ relationships will grow in number. In the near future even when matrimony happens it would be ephemeral. The solemn vow to solemnize marriage would not be ‘Till death do us apart’ but rather ‘Till a better one comes along’.
‘Then what about the landmarks to celebrate marriages? Would the celebrations stop?’

‘No, of course not. A couple completing 25 weeks would celebrate silver jubilee and the one making it to the 50 week mark would host a golden jubilee celebration bash.’
‘And the seven year itch.’
‘Oh, each partner would start itching for someone else in seven days.’

‘These splitting couples would obviously remarry wouldn’t they? Then what about their kids?’
‘They would be shuttling between homes and parents and keep gathering surnames. For instance a kid of 16 who has weathered seven fathers and six mothers would have a name like Anamika-Thadani-Punde-Pillai-Chadda-Kerketta et al.’
‘Is there any institution which will survive?’
‘Yes, the institution of corruption. It will not merely survive, it will thrive.’

‘How?’
‘India, which is a wee bit behind in the corruption charts, will soon become the most corrupt country in the world. We will even start exporting this knowledge to the rest of the globe. Other countries will begin outsourcing corruption enriched learning packages from India.’

‘But how will all this be possible?’
‘Indians have this basic instinct for corruption. It is in our genes. It only needs to be fine-tuned. Once the potential for corruption as a knowledge tool is known, the education system in the country will swing into action. Kids will be taught the various shades of corruption from a very young age. The government will open specialized institutions on the lines of IITs and IIMs to teach corruption. These will be called IICs or the Indian Institutes of Corruption.’

‘That’s great. So at last we shall have one talent which would be the best in the world ‘ make us truly proud to be Indians.’
‘You bet! We can declare proudly : Saare Jahaan se corrupt…Hindustan hamara, corruption hai iska mazhab, corruption hi sahaara!

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Ramendra Kumar
About Ramendra Kumar 22 Articles
An award winning writer Ramendra Kumar (Ramen) has 30 books, brought out by well known publishers, to his credit. Ramen's writings have been published in several Indian and foreign languages and included in text books, as well as national and international anthologies. Ramen has also been invited to different fora as an inspirational speaker and storyteller.

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