‘Rent A Riot’ Services On The Rise, Thanks To Frequent Elections

'Rent a riot' kind of services are on the rise in India these days for polarizing people, because elections are happening too frequently.

Riot in India: A common phenomenon before every elections
Riot in India: A common phenomenon before every elections.

“What is Paresh doing? I asked my friend Neeraj when we ran into each other in our company’s canteen. Paresh was Neeraj’s 24 year old son.
“He has joined the IRS.”

“Wow! He has got into Indian Revenue Service. That’s great!”
“No, no, you are mistaken.”

“Then it must be the Indian Railway Service. That too is pretty good. After all, you always thought Paresh was a poor student and wouldn’t be able to do much in life.”
“Ramen, you have got it all wrong. He has joined IRS meaning Indian Rioting Service.”

“What the hell is that?”
“It is a specialized course for two years which teaches you the art and science of organizing riots.”

“Are you serious?”
“Of course. During the first semester, the students are taught the Indian history of riots – right from Patliputra to Chauri Chaura, to Godhra to Muzaffarnagar. In the second semester, they are taught world history of riots along with case studies. Each riot is thoroughly analysed, and the learning points are discussed threadbare. The third and fourth semesters are devoted to practical aspects. The students are taught how to make and throw Molotov cocktails, bombs, wield knives and swords, break police cordons, develop resistance to tear gas shells and fire from country made pistols.”

“But what use is all this?”
“You are quite naïve aren’t you. In India we have elections around the year. And if any party wants to grab the advantage, it has to engineer a riot and blame it on the opposition. And you can’t leave the happening of a riot to chance can you? What is required is a professional approach with the right kind of planning, organizing and implementation. This is why ‘rent a riot’ kind of services are on the rise. And all this can only be done by a student of IRS.”

“How does all this work out?”
“Take the example of Ulta Pradesh. It is going to polls a few months from now. The best way for the opposition to dent the image of the ruling party is by making sure riots break out all over the state. They approach the alumni of IRS and ask for a riot to be organised. The terms are then worked out. Costing depends on the number of rioters, the ammunition to be used, whether interviews to be given to the media or not and the inherent danger of getting caught.”

“Is Paresh happy doing all this?”
“He is loving it. Your remember last month’s riot in Andha Pradesh. Two communities fought over a donkey – 2 persons were killed, 13 injured, a petrol pump was set ablaze and the donkey escaped. This was engineered by Paresh. He carried out this sublime exercise for his practical exam and he got full marks.”

“What about the money?”
“There is lots of it. IRS has a monopoly over riots and can demand whatever it wants. In fact, Paresh has also been getting offers from overseas. Paresh and his colleague are going next month to Turkmenistan to orchestrate a riot there.”

“What about Paresh’s future plans?”
“He wants to stick to IRS for a few years, gain some experience and then start his own institute called ‘Paresh Rioting Service’. He is in fact looking for an overseas collaborator. Now with the Government opening up our country’s doors for FDI, who knows Paresh may even get monetary support from across the globe. Paresh has got feelers from investors in Iceland and Bogota.”

As I was leaving after congratulating Neeraj on his son’s awesome achievement, I could hear him sing, “Papa kehte hain bada naam karega, beta hamaara bada kaam karega……”

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Ramendra Kumar
About Ramendra Kumar 22 Articles
An award winning writer Ramendra Kumar (Ramen) has 30 books, brought out by well known publishers, to his credit. Ramen's writings have been published in several Indian and foreign languages and included in text books, as well as national and international anthologies. Ramen has also been invited to different fora as an inspirational speaker and storyteller.

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