Heaven (Undisclosed Galaxy): Intensely worried about their security and wellness, much talked about ’72 virgins of heaven’ today demanded that their dress code be changed because there are too many Jihadists to serve in heaven right now, following spurt in incidents of terrorism and civil war on planet earth.
As per current interpretation (and widely accepted belief) of Islam, every Jihadist is guaranteed to enjoy so-called ’72 virgins’ in heaven as a reward, with full authority, immunity and blessings from Allah, after killing several innocent women and children on earth.
“These guys are insane! Just because they earned us as a reward, they think they’ve got ticket to fulfill all the craziest and wildest dreams they had, but chose to postpone it. They want all of us, yes all 72 of us at the same time to entertain them,” revealed one virgin of heaven to this Teekhi Mirchi reporter.
“They expect women to dress modestly at earth, because women’s body ‘contaminates’ their mind, and makes them pervert. But these same innocent, sacred guys want us naked all the time. How is that possible? Now is the time to demand what is our right! We also deserve a life of civil liberty, equality and freedom these Hijab-wearing women enjoy out there on earth,” she added with determination.
Islamic clerics and scholars are divided over the matter, and have advised the issue be settled in a Shura, to be organized at a neutral location.
“It’s good that women in other galaxies themselves want to fuck up their own life. On earth, we men took that decision and wrote misogynist texts and rules in our holy books, ensuring they live a life of misery, abuse and purposelessness,” said one Islamic scholar on condition of anonymity.
There are though others who oppose this demand. “That’ll be less motivating for men here dying to screw and end their own life in their quest for lust and imaginary God-appeasement. Sometimes you need weird goals to achieve bigger purpose,” commented a well known scholar from Darul Uloom, Deoband.