Heaven: Pissed off with growing instances of blasphemous comments by so-called atheists, intellectuals, rationalists and such crazy people, Consortium Of All Gods (COAG) today unanimously passed a resolution to condemn such incidents and asked their human counterparts to pass strong anti-blasphemy laws in their respective parliaments.
“The blasphemy on that planet has gone insane!”, said one member of the COAG pointing towards the blue earth, “This has really damaged our reputation of being caretakers of peace, justice and well-being. Since earth is a sovereign planet, we can’t enforce our laws there, and hence this demand,” that member-God added.
The development comes amid reports that people have increasingly started questioning well-established ideas and customs. Funny words listed in Heaven’s official dictionary in ‘offensive’ category, such as logic, rationale, objectivity, rights, justice etc, are in widespread use by crazy human civilization. Humans’ tendency of considering God-men, politicians, sportsperson and celebrities on par with the Gods, and blindly supporting and justifying their misdeeds has also added to the woes of Gods.
“Our identity…purpose…existence…raison d’être…everything is in terrible danger! We let you guys wash all your sins by bathing in certain rivers. We have to make happy faces and pretend to be pleased and excited when you guys kill poor animals in the name of ‘sacrifice’. We even offer you 72 virgins here as a reward for blowing yourselves up and killing your fellow humans…and what do we get in return? Blasphemy??? Being a God is such a thankless job!”, said another visibly frustrated God, to this Teekhi Mirchi reporter.
Experts say, a war between Gods and Humans can’t be ruled out under a tense atmosphere like this. In such a scenario, Apocalypse is bound to happen, wiping life completely from the earth, they claim.
Others disagree though. “Hindus currently have 320,000,000 Gods, Christians have 3 Gods, while Muslims have just 1. Adding 1 God each for many other smaller religions, total population of Gods comes to somewhere around 320 million, plus a few dozens. This is still very small if compare it to current human population of 7.5 billion. We homo-sapiens certainly outnumber them, and are sure to win any future war, if and when that happens,” said a statistician on condition of anonymity.