Congress–BJP Football Match Ends In A Draw At 5 Self-Goals Each

Bhopal: The much anticipated football match between the BJP and Congress ended in an anti-climax as the teams played out a draw scoring 5 self-goals each.

Narendra Modi and Rahul Gandhi in football match
A glimpse of the match.

The Congress, led by their star performer Rahul Gandhi started early with contributions from Digvijay Singh and their new group of spokespersons. “We didn’t realise it was the wrong goal post. Somebody should’ve told us. I just joined recently,” said newly appointed spokesperson Raj Babbar. Meanwhile, there was also hushed talk about star striker Rahul Gandhi’s reluctance to take the ball forward. “He kept passing the ball back instead of moving forward. Must have been some profound strategy we couldn’t understand. Sheer Genius,” said Manish Tiwari.

Not to be outdone, the BJP led by star striker Narendra Modi, went on an aggressive self-goal spree, of which Modi scored 3, which he denied later. Modi was shown two yellow cards for fouling his own teammates, notably veteran striker LK Advani who had to be taken off the field in a stretcher. The referee decided against a red card after being heckled by Modi fans accusing him of being a paid agent, alleging that his grand uncle was either a Muslim or a Christian, and that he should be sent to Pakistan. Meanwhile, oblivious to the whole drama, Congress went ahead and scored another self-goal.

At Half Time, Controversy broke after Mr. Modi allegedly called the Referee a son of a dog. An agitated BJP Spokesperson Ms. Lekhi was at pains to explain that he wasn’t referring to the referee at all, but to some guy in the audience. “Considering that Modiji is an animal lover, he should’ve thought of it as a compliment anyway”, said Ms. Lekhi. She also tried to scream something else at the top of her voice that was, unfortunately, indecipherable.

Sources indicate that the Congress plans to transfer Rs 5 to the Bank accounts of all who watched the match in a bid to make them forget the whole episode. Meanwhile, Narendra Modi took credit for the 5 self-goals scored by the Congress, while Modi’s PR agency planted articles in leading newspapers, including the Crimes of India, claiming he had scored a total of 15 goals.

“In the end, Cricket is the winner,” said former India Test Cricketer Ravi Shastri.

Originally published on Mano’s blog here.

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Mano Na Mano
About Mano Na Mano 11 Articles
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