Pluto: Finally, Indians are not going to be the only ones to enjoy Achhe Din. Sensing opportunity following capture of high-resolution images by NASA’s New Horizon spacecraft, Indian politicians have gone overboard and offered lucrative freebies to Homo Plutonians (whether or not they exist).
“Pluto can’t be developed unless it gets full planethood. NASA, BJP and LG conspired, and snatched full planethood from Pluto. They are not letting it function properly and revolve in perfect elliptical orbit around sun. Sab Mile Hue hain Ji!”, said Arvind Kejriwal, leader of Bahaane Baaj Party (BBP).
When Teekhi Mirchi asked him how BJP and LG may possibly have benefitted from this alleged apartheid of the said planet, Kejriwal explained modus operandi of the conspirators, “Yahi To Scam Hai Ji!”.
Newly appointed Chief Minister of Bihar, Nitish Kumar is reportedly considering forming Mahagathbandhan with Aliens living on Pluto. Nitish also demanded special package for the alien-planet, failing which he threatened to relocate Bihar to Pluto, depriving India of labourers, IAS/ PCS and ‘Bihari jokes’ that rest of the country cracks, in order to forget their own misery and get a sense of superiority.
Meanwhile, soon to cover all the countries of Earth as part of his foreign trip jamboree, and unable to find new ones, a worried Narendra Modi hastily offered $1000B to Pluto. He also vowed to throw out ‘Maa-Beti ki Sarkar’, that he said is currently ruling Pluto. Indians, who usually get to see their PM only when he performs in ‘Rockstar-reception’ by NRIs in other countries, are left confused. Many, our sources say, fear that Modi may start touring Pluto and never come back, leaving India at the mercy of Arun Jaitley, Shakshi Maharaj, Sadhvis and other useless chaps for the rest of 5 years.
Joining this demand/ promise bandwagon, Hardik Patel has demanded changing Pluto’s name to ‘Patelo’, failing which he threatened to start a mass agitation and address a huge rally of 2.5 billion Patels on Jupiter. Teekhi Mirchi couldn’t get reaction of Aam Gujratis, since internet was banned there, like most of the days.