These 10 Bizarre Cow Dung And Cow Urine Products Will Soon Flood Your Grocery Store

India's Ministry of AYUSH is ready to push citizens to using these products. A hefty budget has already been kept aside for sensitizing people, bringing awareness and removing taboo among urban residents.

Indians drinking cow urine, considered a sacred drink
New exotic cow urine drink, currently undergoing clinical trials at an undisclosed location in Allahabad.

Allahabad: This is going to change the way Indians shop in super-marts and local grocery stores. Teekhi Mirchi has learnt that at least half-a dozen companies are tirelessly working on launching a wide-range of products made from cow urine and cow dung. The marketing strategy and supply chain is already ready, and your grocery store next door is soon going to get a makeover. We bring to you EXCLUSIVE snaps of these amazing, but bizarre products. Order them before stock is gone!

1. This summer, soothe your soul with this new refreshing drink

Makers claim they extract cow urine from a ‘virgin’ and Indian breed cow, because only urine from virgin Indian cow has divine properties. They however, don’t reveal how they ensure that.

Cow Urine Drink - For those who love neat, on the rocks!
Cow Urine Drink – For those who love neat, on the rocks!

2. Start Your Day With Gobar Soap

Your soft, glowing and young skin deserves nothing less than this amazing soap prepared from cow-dung. It saves you from all skin-related problems. This soap smells great and guarantees you’ll stand apart in the crowd.

Gobar, not Salman, is your new Body-guard. Feel absolutely safe after bathing with this new exotic soap, made of pure Desi cow-dung.
GOBAR, not Salman, is your new Bodyguard. Feel absolutely safe after bathing with this new divine soap, manufactured from pure Desi cow-dung.

3. A wide range of beauty and grooming products for you

Frustrated with using fairness creams and other beauty products for years with no result? Then try these beauty products for men and women, made from cow urine and cow dung, especially designed for your soft and glowing skin. Manufacturers are working day and night on launching Gau-Deo, that will make wild ladies run to you like those in sexy deo ads.

Beauty and grooming products made from cow dung and cow urine
Beauty and grooming products made from cow urine and cow dung, for both men and women.

4. Packaged drinking water with that familiar smell

Next time you go to any restaurant or 5 star hotel, insist on Gomata brand packaged drinking water. It has essential minerals only found in urine, and ‘that’ familiar smell of Goshala will make you feel ‘at home’.

Packaged drinking water prepared from cow-urine
Gomata brand cow urine packaged drinking water

5. Say goodbye to aerated drinks, insist of 7-in-1 cow-urine cola and Soda.

This 7-in-1 cola and soda prepared from cow-urine will surely enhance you binge experience. Whether you like to mix your black rum with soft-drink or prefer making your scotch peg with soda to lift your mood following hard work entire weekdays, mother cow’s got it all for you!

Cow-ka-Cola, cola soft drink and soda water prepared from cow urine
Wide range of 7-in-1 urine cola and soda.

6. Multipurpose Cow Dung powder, prepare your own recipe

If you love to experiment with new dishes in your kitchen, this cow dung powder is for you. Mix with Dal or prepare thick gravy for your curry, or just mix with your favorite Raita, its amazing taste will bring tears of joy in your eyes, reminding of your village. This powder also tastes great when poured in shakes and smoothies.

Multipurpose Cow-dung powder.
Multipurpose Cow-dung powder. Prepare your own recipe and serve your guests with love.

7. Gaunyle, The official floor cleaner of government

Bored of that stinky Phenyl smell in government offices? Those days of misfortune have gone. Indian government has decided to use cow urine as a floor cleaner in all government offices. Another reason for you to stay away from brokers, and get that personal-touch from Sarkari-Babus.

Gaunyle Floor Cleaner
Gaunyle Floor Cleaner, already struggling to meet heavy demand from government offices.

8. A wide range of Medicines to cure almost every disease on this planet

Nature made sure mother cow has answer for all the suffering of this mankind. Indians have known this sinc ages, and now we’ve got wide range of medicines prepared from urine and poo. Tooth powder, nasal-drop, eye-drop, digestive aid, liver purifier, blood purifier…you name it, they have it!

Cow-dung and Cow-urine medicines
Medicines exclusively prepared from cow-dung and Cow-urine.

9. Distilled cow urine, possibly for batteries

Now, this is something we couldn’t understand. Why humans would drink distilled cow urine; and not the organic, pure raw urine. The answer is: it will be used to rejuvenate batteries that we use in our car or in inverter at home. The batteries last 10-20 years longer, its manufacturer claims.

Distilled cow urine
Multipurpose distilled cow-urine, also useful in labs replacing that old distilled water.

10. Cow Dung Cakes for your breakfast and office tiffin

Are you among those who always have to skip breakfast due to morning rush? Then this cow dung cake is just made for you. Enjoy the richness and yummy taste of cow dung in your breakfast, take it in your tiffin and share with your colleagues too during lunch in your office canteen. Those watching you would burn like crazy with envy.

Cow dung cake
Cow dung cake – say goodbye to that boring and tasteless breakfast! It’s already digested by mother cow, so you just have to gulp it. Your stomach will thank you for allowing it to rest.

 

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Disclaimer: This is a satirical article and is a work of fiction. Kindly do not confuse the news on this website as being genuine and factually true. This is a user generated content. You can also join Teekhi Mirchi and write for us.
Jabra
About Jabra 288 Articles
Stupidity and sycophancy are my fuel.

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