RSS Demands Permission To Worship Bombs In ‘Shastra Pooja’

Government, reportedly, is seriously considering allowing bomb-pooja, since it only amounts to legitimizing something that is already happening under their nose.

Indore/ Bhopal: After four RSS men and a cop were ‘accidentally’ injured while Swayamsevaks were playing with bombs in their leisure time, RSS has demanded that Bombs be allowed in Shastra Pooja held every year on Dussehra. Currently only Lathis, Trishuls, pistols, firearms and automatic weapons such as AK-47 are allowed.

Modiji performing 'Shashtra-Pooja' with outdated weapons
Modiji performing ‘Shashtra Pooja’ with outdated weapons

“After this small incident, we felt our men needed more experience in handling bombs, grenades and explosives. They already are well-versed with firearms and automatic weapons,” said RSS chief Mohan Bhagwat, “We worship these Shastras every year for ages. Our Swayamsevaks take out Pathsanchalan (religious possession), holding weapons and firing in the air to scare the shit out of onlookers,” he added.

“But we always felt something was amiss in our portfolio. We’ve been experimenting with bombs secretly, but needed legitimacy and help from safety experts to minimize these accidental explosions. Our fire-arms pooja-record is very safe, and barring a couple of exceptions, there has been no major accident,” Bhagwatji told Teekhi Mirchi candidly.

According to our sources in the saffron outfit, RSS is already training its cadre to explore peaceful applications of bombs/ grenades. After completion of successful training, Swayamsevaks will be given ‘Bomb-Deeksha‘ in specially organized Shakhas in all villages, all talukas in every nook and corner of the country.

“Eventually, we are planning to get ISIS ISO certification in handling explosives, that will force government to grant us permission to hold Bomb-prayers in morning assemblies in every Saraswati Shishu Mandir run by us,” our source in Indore explained future secret plans of his unit to this undercover reporter.

“No, we don’t have such plans on anvil as of now, but that’s a good idea,” was the answer of our highly placed source in RSS Nagpur head-office, when asked whether they are also working on acquiring and performing pooja of nuclear bombs.

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Jabra
About Jabra 303 Articles
Stupidity and sycophancy are my fuel.

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